Gardelda Gotsuk

You believe? You die!


Born out of a humongous human father and a beautiful elven mother, Gardelda came on this world as a fat dark haired baby. No one liked her or even dared to watch her in the eyes. She would have no friends for the most part of her youth, and she only felt love with her parents. This hurt the extremely religious father so much that he took her to churches, priests, holy stones, naked ladies (but this for completely other reasons) and sacred animals to pray to give his child a better life. Every week they prayed two times, once on Wednesday evening and once on Sunday morning. Those were the only moments she didn’t spent on the streets, alone.

Gardelda found a way to entertain herself by sneaking into places where no one could see her. She observed everyone, for hours and hours. She registered every movement and paid attention to every little details. She once saw a murder, was witness to a dozen of burglaries and still knows the day on which her niece got pregnant on the town cemetery (and can never get that image out of her head). She trained her brain to not forgot anything. As she roamed the streets and was always on the move, she unknowingly started working out and training her body. Climbing in trees, grappling on to walls, leaping over large gaping holes… all to get to spots where no one would notice her.

As she studied people day in day out, she learned about the world. The older she became, the more she started seeing this paradox in religion. She started doubting her father and his beliefs. She started hating it. On the day her parents celebrated her sixteenth birthday, she decided to quit going to church. This led to a furious and outraged father and a disappointed but respectful mother. Her father decided to lock her in the house and rented priests to come and pray at their home. One day the local priest had a few too many ales and saw the beauty underneath her ragged clothes. This was the first and last time a man touched her body.

The next day she left her house, paid a visit to the priest and never came back. It was only weeks later they found the priest with a brass cross shoved down his throat. She explored the lands, learned to live with nothing but she always kept observing and studying people. Whenever she came across a so called ‘holy place’ she destroyed something. She felt 5 minutes of joy and then moved on.

As the years passed by, she longed for her mother. On her 30th birthday she decided to find her mother. After 1337 days she arrived at the place where she was born. But no mother to be found. A local farm boy told her that she left after her father killed himself out of grief. He came to the conclusion that religion was a lie and couldn’t live with the fact that he brought that priest to his daughter and that he was the reason his daughter left the house. It was at this moment that Gardelda cried for the very first time since the day the priest had poisoned her body with hatred.

After this kind of happy news she desperately wanted to find her mother again and so she started her quest. The first few months she roamed the neighbouring cities in good faith that her mother stayed in the area. In one of those cities she was caught stealing bread and was banished. She had to retreat to the surrounding forests. There she learned to fully appreciate nature in it’s purest form. It’s also the place where she trained her pet, a flying squirrel called Rambo.

One day Rambo became sick and needed help. Because Gardelda had no knowledge of medicine she left the forest and made contact with a squirrel doctor. A creepy guy who amputated his penis and put a squirrel tail above his butt cheeks. He noticed that Rambo ate too much protein and his muscle mass was too big for his small body. Although squirrels don’t eat meat, Rambo appreciated everything Gardelda offered him. After that visit Rambo goes crazy whenever he sees roasted chicken.

The last months they travelled the roads to find her mother…

Gardelda Gotsuk

Sandpoint Chronicles Onomanatee Parmieburger